Vol. 6 | December 2016

Holiday Edition: Celebrating the Best [and Worst] of Family

Sebastian Maniscalco - Hosting Company
"There's a different feeling when your doorbell rings today as opposed to twenty years ago. Twenty years ago when your doorbell rang, that was a happy moment in your house. It was called company."
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Jim Gaffigan - Father of Four
"Recently became a father, became a father for the fourth time. Never as much applause on that part. Really no applause, cause after the third kid, people stop congratulating you. Then they just treat you like you're Amish."
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Kevin Hart - Hold Your Head Still
"I didn't know that you could get mad at kids to the point where you want to fight. You could want to fight a kid, man. Kids are a$$holes. My daughter is an a$$hole."
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Greg Giraldo - Dogs vs. Kids
"People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out. Alright, that's the first thing. It's just a fact."
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Kumail Nanjiani - Birthdays in Pakistan
"We think it's going to be like Street Fighter, we gather around, we're cheering, the fight starts and two minutes in it becomes very obvious that the snake is going to lose."
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Josh Wolf - The Sex Talk
"The most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me in my life is when my mom came home early from work and found me trying to take her bra off of my brother."
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Andy Woodhull - Becoming a Stepfather
"I just became a father. My kids are 10 and 12. It goes by so fast doesn't it? Sometimes it feels like it happened to another guy, and then I just married their mom when they were 10 and 12."
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Monroe Martin - Dealing with Annoying Kids
"What the f*ck I can't relate to a two year old, I just seem arrogant. I get on the phone I'm like, 'Hey man, how many times did you sh*t on yourself today? Twice? Me, none. I'm better than you stop calling me.'"
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Jay Larson - A Mother's Search for Meaning
"She wants to attach meaning to things. The last time I was home we were driving our car and I go, 'Hey ma your odometer just hit 60,000 miles,' and she goes 'Ahhh that's good luck!'"
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Gary Vider - Asking Your Parents for Money
"I wanna ask them, but I can't ask them, 'cause they told me not to ask them anymore. That's why, instead, I sent them the nicest letter, 'Dear Mr. and Mrs. Vider, we have your son.'"
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